i'll show you where to stick that train

this is big c.  my first baby.  my biggest blonde.  my heart and soul.  i love her.  she's super.

that being said...

last weekend we had a ginormous party, for which i baked, a lot.  i mean, a LOT.

2 days later, my precious first born volunteered me to bake cupcakes for her polar express christmas party at school.

"i told my teacher that you wouldn't mind because you love to make them"

"um, thanks big c.  i just baked all weekend long.  when is the party?"

"in 2 days.  oh, and can you make all of them look like trains?"

-- i couldn't tell her now the things i wanted to say.  she's only 8.  and hand gestures were also out of the question.  what?  i'm a good mom.--

"taylor volunteered maily to bake cookies.  and she had the biggest smile on her face."

maily doesn't bake.  she's more of a paper plate and cup mom.  because those are just as essential to any party.

"so mom, you can either make all of them look like trains or put them all together to be a train."

"thanks, big c.  can i cram that train up your .....  i'll see what i can do."

the next day we went to wal-mart.  for other important things.  i can't remember what they were, but they always end up costing $100.  i think it's impossible to get out of that store any cheaper.

"mommy, you can just buy some cupcakes instead."

"....insert a gotohell look..."

"nevermind, mommy.  sorry."

i don't do store bought.  she knows this. it's why she volunteered me.  i'm anal like that.

but in the end, i didn't decorate them like trains.

or arrange them into the shape of a train.

i did this.

i built a train to hold the cupcakes.  at 11 pm the night before.  i couldn't be ordinary.  i couldn't send her with a plate of cupcakes.  and no wow factor.

what would everyone think?

they probably wouldn't give a crap.  why would they?

but i did.

i couldn't live with myself if i hadn't done something to make her happy.  because a box train is just the thing that makes 8 year old girls happy.

oh, and she kindly requested chocolate and red velvet cupcakes.  one flavor wasn't enough.

so i complained.

and then i made her chocolate and red velvet cupcakes.  color coordinated.

because i'm rad.

and that makes her cooler.  and more popular.  and that's what i want for her.

not really.

she's still a big ol' dork.

and maily told me to "get a life" when she saw the train.  but she's still my friend, and taylor is still big c's friend, so status is important to them too.

because in this small town, that means everything.

and when you're part of this family, you have to pull your weight.

or was it, "lose your weight"?

i can never remember.

now excuse me while i inhale a cupcake.  or 4.

-dimply stacy

a 14 year old yogurt story

the aviator gave me permission to post this picture if i repeated to you the story i just told him.

"my legs were solid when i was 18 years old"

"um, i've seen your college pictures"

"well, that was when i was 19.  free reign of food and alcohol.  no discipline.  things started to go south.  i blame the dining hall"

"you blame the dining hall?"

"yeah.  'cuz you know what i used to do after every meal?  i used to get frozen yo..."

"wait, are you telling me a 14 year old frozen yogurt story"

"yep.  i used to get frozen yogurt after every lunch and dinner and put cocoa krispies on it.  that's how it happened."

"you sound fat"

the end.

-dimply stacy

it's a good one

my beloved, the aviator, has a crooked second toe.

as it turns out, so does my baby.

that is all.

-dimply stacy

even aviators wear sweaters

when it all boils down to it, we are THE perfect american family.

with THE perfect all american kids.  period.

but let me back up a smidget.

last night we had our first annual, legendary, ultimate awesome, semi-overrated, super mega, ugly sweater christmas party.  all the cool people were invited.

if you weren't invited, you are indeed, not cool.  i'm so sorry.  you know, if you go through your insurance, counseling can be affordable.  and valuable to your acceptance and understanding.

but seriously,  if you weren't invited it's because of one of a few things:
1. it's most likely the aviator's fault
2. you don't live here
3. i don't know you
4. it's probably the aviator's fault
5. i suck
6. i'm sorry

but you missed it.

and these people didn't.  see how happy they are?  they were invited.  and they showed up.  and they had fun.  and they looked really ugly.

i suppose the most disturbing fact is that most of the dudes here are aviators.  see the guy in the front?  that is a lovely women's snowman turtleneck he's paired with pink pants.  he wings on friday.  congratulations, erin.

we had kids here too.

there's big c and her bestie, taylor, sitting in the middle.  sporting their horse sweaters.  they're really hideous, but i think the girls kinda liked 'em.

little c is on top of the couch.  we'll get back to him a little later.

we'll start the recap with an introduction of some guests.

this is marjy and larry.  yes, their names are old.  yes, they know that.  they were our first friends when we moved to the big city.  they steered us in the right direction for housing and schools.  it's tough here.  inner city tough.

"OH NO HE DIDN'T!"

um, yep.  he sure did.

this is daniel.  he's in the coast guard.  he's wearing a sweater vest with hearts.  go daniel, go.

this is maily.  in the background is her man of a man husband, brian.  we'll see them again soon.

here's v-slice and his girlfriend, katie.  she surprised us and drove in from new orleans.  she didn't wear an ugly sweater.  neither did he?  and they didn't bring kids so they left early.  to go out.  because they're smart.  and they have a life.  i remember when i had a life.

just kidding.  i don't remember that because of all the drugs.

just kidding.  i didn't do drugs.

i just never had a life.

moving on.

this is our playgroup.  we all have kids.  we get together on tuesdays and thursdays.  and none of our kids play "together".  and we call it playgroup.  but that's only because "coastie cuties" was already taken.

fact # 529: if you join our playgroup you have 60% chance of being pregnant this year.

we all know what they did.  recently.

these were the drags of the party.  the pregnant ones.  the DDs.  you know, the wives with happy husbands.

warner showed up in this.  he made it.  it's a christmas tree.  a real christmas tree.  with ornaments.  and candy canes.  and garland.

warner won the contest.

he didn't get a prize, but he and his lovely wife, kinga (also sporting a homemade number), did get to pose for a picture with the sensational little c.

and that is a reward in itself.  i'm almost 100% sure that this child is going to kick my ass some day for this.

but for the record, he needed no persuasion to rock this outfit.

"it's a little bit tight, but that's okay" he said.

"it hurts a little bit when i sit down, but that's okay" he said.

nothing but confidence with this kid.

even with abby.  she's his love interest.  he is completely devoted to loving her.

and she took a picture with him.  in this outfit.

he should have been pushing around a cart full of bratwurst.

not getting photo-bombed by this guy on tv.

if little c and abby get married one day, this picture will go on display, in large form, next to an engagement picture.

it all starts with the lederhosen.  or whatever this ensemble should be called.

bless his little heart.

alright folks.  that's enough.  stop making fun of my precious baby.  he can't help it.

we should probably just blame the aviator and go forward.

no christmas party is complete without a white elephant gift exchange.

big c opened "tiger baby".  she hated it.  she pouted.

marjy and her daughter, myah, stole it.  and clung to it all night long.

creepers.

warner walked away with some priceless art.

as did the aviator.

he smiled and laughed a little when he opened it.

but he didn't get it.  seriously.

erin scored some singing and dancing YMCApes.  lucky.

and daniel got revenge.

but i think the winner of the night was brian.

no, not because of this sweater.  or this turtleneck.  and i know what you're thinking... maily must be the big winner of the night because she's married to him.  and carrying his child.  but that's beside the point.

no, brian walked away with a reassuring message in the form of a christmas decoration.

"god made you special".  he did, brian.  you are special.

and so is his situation.  brian is married to maily.

you first met maily in my halloween post.

she was the belly with no face.

and now she has a face.  and a hand.  holding a beer.  at a party. with kids.

all. night. long.

at first i judged.  but then i heard the most amazing story from brian, and it all made sense.

"so, there's this husband and wife who are married.  and they go shopping one day at the store. and the husband wants to buy beer, but the wife tells him no.  they don't have enough money.  but then the wife wants to buy some makeup, and the husband asks why.  and she says because it makes her prettier.  and he says that's why he buys beer.  it makes her prettier."

"do you get it?"

" i do.  hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!"

brian is special.

and i'm glad he's our friend.

and maily would never drink a beer.  don't be silly.

and that's how the story ends.

smell ya next year!

-dimply stacy

o' come all ye faithful

let me start by apologizing for taking so long between posts.  i have a million excuses.  some real.  some made up.  none of which anybody seems to care about.

i make this solemn vow to post every day until the end of the year.

wow.  i must be nuts.

anyone believe me?

okay....

yesterday, little c had a christmas caroling performance at the local assisted living home.  i think you can spy him on the far right of the picture.  looking pimp.  and smiling like a rock star.

they sang "we wish you a merry christmas" and "jingle bells" and "some other songs that i didn't really know and couldn't understand anyway because 3 and 4 year olds don't sing with the best clarity".

but it was still so sweet.  and the residents really seemed to enjoy it.  see?  look at the excitement in their faces.  beaming with appreciation and love.  overcome with happiness.

well, at least the lady in the middle is.

the rest of them must not be in the christmas spirit just yet.  but they'll get there.

and i think this must have been an assisted living home for only women.  either that or the men knew better than to come out for the "experience".

but come on, look at the smile on the far right.  it really doesn't get any better than that.

well, unless we're talking about a freezee.

but we're not.

on a different note, there was a santa on the table in front of me with a list.

i hope john gets his "mintendo" this year.

i apologize.  i know this isn't funny.  and i'm a child.

the dimples have that effect on me.

after the caroling, the kids took the residents christmas cards that they had made in class.  little c was so proud of his.  and so proud to give it to one of these precious ladies.

he scoped the room and found the perfect recipient.

and she was perfect.  she loved his card.  and she loved him.

and he just smiled.

and then they chatted about something for a few minutes.  i can't imagine what that might have been about.  there was a lot of screaming and noise.  not the perfect conditions for this conversation.

but they carried on.  and he smiled.  and she smiled.

and that's all that matters.

then he gave out his second card.  like a gentleman.  a little pimp gentleman.

and they conversed.

and he said "what?" a lot.

and then he smiled.

and then little c went to give his third card.  and you can see that this one says "love, william".  his name is not william.  he's a poser.

and she must have known this.  little c smiled when he gave it to her, just as he had with the others.

and she smiled back at him.

and then she handed it back to him.  i'm not sure what she said, but all i heard little c say was "what?  you don't want it?"

and she followed through with handing it to him.  and he walked away.  and gave it to a more gracious recipient.

so, who cares if william made the card?  william isn't here.  little c is here.  and he gave it to you.  and you better appreciate the gesture next time or this crazy mama will open a can of whoop ass on you.

and then i remembered where i was.

and i collected myself.

sort of.

because seriously, look how cute these guys are.

even if the one on the right didn't wear his wedding ring.

he knew where we were going too.


until next time.  whenever that may be.

-dimply stacy