spray him in the face

we moved across the country from los angeles to milton, florida, in june.  we made that drive with 2 cars, 2 kids, and 2 cats.  along the way we stopped at the hoover dam, vegas strip, and the grand canyon.  but those stories are for another time.

big c and little c had begged for months to get a dog.  big c was so full of promises.  "i'll take care of him", "i'll take him for walks every day", "i'll feed him", "I'LL CLEAN UP HIS POOP".  she's a liar.  with a capital F.

so we got the dog.  i handle the promises. like always.

we didn't get just any dog, either. no animal shelter mut for this high maintenance family.  oh no. and i wanted a weimeraner, for no other reason than it looked like a real dog.  a strong dog.  a big eater. a big mess. but not one of those sissy types.  not that there's anything wrong with those dogs. if you're into that sorta thing.

we got a texas lacy dog.  google it.

backing up a bit, the aviator has sleep issues.  one night in california, he flipped the television to animal planet.  there was a show on called "life after people".  there was that damned texas lacy dog.  outlivin' man. taking care of himself.  surviving.  being awesome.  in theory.

we didn't get THAT dog on tv.  we got a slightly tampered version.  we got axel.  (and axel is short for axelrod levinstien... because the aviator is a bit of a whack job). axel wouldn't outlive a butterfly.  axel is as much of a nuisance as the kidiots. only more so because he smells like dog, and i have to actually pick up his feces.  in the front yard.

oh, i know, he's cute.  that's the problem.

i try to give him the benefit of the doubt.  he is just a puppy, after all.  but as i'm typing this, he's surging through the house, from the living room to the dining room to the entry to the kitchen, in neurotic fashion, with his red food dish in his mouth.  like a damned demon racehorse. on crack.  wearing a tutu.

don't know why i added that last part.  it just seemed right.

i spray him in the face with a stream of vinegar laced water.

what?

i love my dog. and my sanity.  and becky the trainer told us to do that.  and it makes me feel like i have permission to slightly abuse a child.  don't judge.

yep, i spray that face.

at least a hundred times a day.

and we can't get rid of him because, well, let's face it... we've invested a lot of money.  and people frown upon that sort of thing.  go figure.

oh yeah, and the kids are sort of attached.  and he might love them back just a smidget, because he lets them do things like this and licks their faces.

so really, axel is just an annoying occupant of our psychotic household.

he's just like the rest of us.  i think we'll keep him.

for now.


- dimply stacy